Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Sid and his (in)subordinates!

 
It has funny feet. Pink paws...disgusting. Which dog has pink paws...this isn't a beauty contest! Even  if it is...I'd win hands down. It is cute, though.

Sniffly underbelly - check
Ridiculous ears that flop around - check
Lets me smell her bottom - check
Scrappy and doesn't mind a tumble or two - check
Taking up Reem and Sid's time - a bit too much of it, but they try to be fair and let us both take over the bed. I saw Reem dangling off  the other morning because I had wedged myself where her legs should be - it's cute that they think it's their bed.

I shall train Molly to be my second-in-command and we shall faithfully serve the Bald One - Sid the First. I discussed it with Sid while we took a few tumbles together in the guest bedroom. His tumbling is appallingly bad, but I don't complain - he lets me be quite rough.  Reem's a doll, but she shrieks when I sit on her head - But not the Bald One - he lets me do anything, he is my pet!  So I told him my plans for the small one. He was delighted.  The thought of not having just one, but two deputy's was more than he could take. He had tears of joy in his eyes, though that may have had something to do with the fact that I had collapsed on him and was cutting off some his circulation.  As he threw me around casually, he said "Sergeant Major Mia, this
is fantastic news. With an expansion of our team to include the little one (what's that you're saying - Cadet Molly? Splendid - Cadet Molly it is), we can really be a force to reckon with. We can scour the Air Force Naval Housing Society for miscreants and vandals (but you really can't run away when you see a cat, Sergeant Major - it's embarrassing and now with Cadet Molly it will really affect the morale of a junior officer like her when she sees her superior cowering under a bush at the sight of a squishy faced cat)".   He frowned at me, making me feel rather stupid and I vowed to be braver, though I inwardly shuddered at the thought of that ginger cat who had seen many more wars than I had and had an ugly scarred mug to prove it! Just one look at her and I wanted to dive under the covers with Reem.  Speaking of Reem, she's just walked in and is listening to Sid describe his training plan for the team and how Cadet Molly, him and I would be up at the crack of dawn to start off.  She waved him aside impatiently and told him that she'd sort us all out if she was disturbed at dawn (she doesn't emerge before 10 AM if she has a choice) and told him to ensure that we were fed while she was at the office. I know The Bald One hadn't listened when an hour later he got on the phone with Reem, while trying to thrust scrambled eggs down my throat "She's not eating. What do you mean she doesn't like scrambled eggs - only omelettes? When did you say that. Oh really, and Molly was meant to get the scrambled eggs, not the caviar? Kidding, kidding bubz not trying to piss you off. I was listening. Molly is a puppy she'll eat anything, I will make Mia an omelet I promise. Now work and don't worry, we're all fine!"

I listened in amusement while spitting out my eggs - I don't not like scrambled eggs, I just prefer spitting them out and spraying them all over. It's fun!  Sid hung up the phone and came over to Molly and me - "Now listen up chumps. Your training starts now. You're in my army now. And there'll be none of this omelet scrambled egg crap - you eat what you get. You're soldiers. Warriors. Eggs should be the last thing on your mind. Now Reem gives in to all your stupid whims, but not me!  Now stand up Mia and teach Cadet Molly to salute."  I looked up lazily at him - ok, I can lift up my paw to show her. Molly looked at me amused and

swiped at my paw. Runt! I swiped back - she bit my paw! Sid wanted war - he would get war. I launched myself at the young cadet, who instead of looking terrified, looked ecstatic and rolled around crazily, pummelling me with her pink paws. She poked my eyes, I sat on her. She chewed my fur, I sat on her. She dove for my belly, I sat on her. She grabbed my tail, I pushed her. She jumped on my back - I shook her off, pushed her and then sat on her. I realized that there was an annoying yelling in the background - "Order, order - you two are meant to listen to me. Only attack when ordered to. Do you hear me? Oh for god sakes Mia, you're smothering her under your expansive backside". I shifted my weight by sitting on his head - the Cadet was delighted with this sudden freedom and expressed her happiness by launching herself at Sid's toes.  Sid was trying to say something from somewhere underneath my armpit..."Insubordination...I should throw you both out. Stop it...oww, stop with the biting. Sergeant Major, call off your troop! Can you hear me...dammit, there are just too many layers of hair here! Fine, get off get off I will make you an omelet...and what's that, fine I won't take you near the ginger cat at night. Now get off!"  I kicked the runt with my foot and she rolled over gleefully and then shifted my weight on to the mattress. Sid emerged gasping for air - "You're both hopeless soldiers. I shall be complaining about this to Reem and then see what happens - no treats from Windsor Pet Store and you can forget those chew toys she brought you the last time." I smirked, whatta chump - if anyone knew how to manipulate Reem, it was puppy-face and me!

She came home later, and Sid launched himself at the front door first and hissed at Molly and me - "Oh no
you don't. You don't get to show her your silly happy faces and make her believe that you're anything but a bunch of insubordinate, fatted, bed-stealing hoodlums"! As Reem walked in, she was assaulted by all of us at the same time and we managed to thrust Sid to the side - me holding on to her leg and Molly doing some really impressive high jumping.  She cootchie coo'd us and asked Sid how the day was.  He launched into a tirade against us and she listened patiently. "So are you still going to wake up at the crack of dawn and continue their "training"?"  Sid looked at her shiftily and said "I was wondering bubz, if you could take over their training. Whip them into shape - like you've done with me".  Reem told him to shut up and walked away.  "But bubz, they're hopeless. You've spoilt them beyond repair - they're too soft for war. I want an A-team - they're a hopeless 'C' at their best!  Bubz, bubz are you listening?". But she was gone, Molly tucked underneath her arm.  I felt sorry for him, licked his ears and told him I'd wake up with him at dawn and train. I'd even try and find out which of the hounds in the colony had been digging up the lawn and giving us all a bad name! He lit up at the idea - there was nothing like a good "who dunnit?" to cheer him up. "You're on Sergeant Major...let's get that clumsy canine"!  He lumbered off happily to tell "Bubz". The next morning, I heard the alarm go off repeatedly - Sid kept sleeping, I put my head deeper into the pillows to drown out the sound and Molly got up and tried eating the alarm clock. While Reem got up, smacked Sid on the head and shouted at him to get himself and his A-team out before she banished everyone from the bedroom, we all settled back in comfortably. Nothing was going to change around here - who is Sid kidding! A true leader like him knows to let sleeping dogs lie! Or in this case, remain the spoilt insubordinates we are.

2 comments:

Divya said...

I have to say, i am now a fan of Mia diaries, so cute! having spent about 2-3 days with your girl Mia, i can imagine the fun ;)
PS Reem, you write very well

Reem said...

Thank you Divya :) It's usually Sid's diaries, but Mia makes a good narrator :) When did you meet manic Mia?