As I sat down beside him he looked at me distastefully and said, "I'm the settler in this relationship". I looked foxed, "The what?". "The settler", he repeated patiently. Didn't you watch that episode about "reachers and settlers" in relationships on "How I Met your Mother". "Ah yes, your bible of relationship wisdom", I smirked. "Don't mock my taste, you blue lump"! I took the bullet admirably, tossing a casual comment back about his green satin boxers, which he ignored. "As I was saying, there was an episode about 'reachers' and 'settlers'. With partners there is usually one who's reaching up to to the other who is "hotter" or "smarter" or superior in some way and basically out of the "reacher's" league. The "superior" partner could probably have got someone more in their league, but "settled" for less". I listened, fairly intrigued, since it didn't seem like his usual rubbish, there was definitely some truth in it. We both sat in silence for a few seconds, before declaring in unison, "I'm obviously the settler". We stared at each other and then again in unison, "You're kidding right"! Sid looked at me in disbelief, "You think you're better than me - hotter, smarter, etc". "I definitely have an edge over you, silk Smitha"! "Stop calling me that, you're like this little thug in half pants"! We glowered at each other.
Keeping my tone calm, I changed tracks a bit "Ok, I guess I have to admit that you're prettier...especially when you're shivering like a damsel in distress when you're watching a horror movie...or say when a kind soul is giving you water at night". "Hey!", he yelled, "you looked positively deranged when I sat up in bed and you were just staring at me!". "I wasn't staring at you, I was asking you if you wanted some water because you looked parched and you looked at me in horror and dove under the covers". "Well, you would have as well if you saw yourself that night...your hair was inexplicable!" I made a face at him, "At least I have hair"!
"Oh state the obvious, but let me tell you I had gorgeous hair ok!" he replied, tossing an imaginary lock out of his eye. "Yes, I recall your Backstreet Boys look, you should try that again, it'll be a huge hit", I said sarcastically.
"Mock me all you want, at least I'm funnier"!
"Please you only know the word, "witty", my come back's are way better"
"After you have ten minutes to think about them. I have a way with words"
"I have straighter teeth"!
"I have nice skin"
"At least I don't do the gangster dance"
"I just do that to irritate you", I laughed, "We know who'd win in a dance-off"!
"I cook better"
"No, you don't. I'm always the one in the kitchen trying out stuff, I'm a natural. You are still living in your hotel management glory days...you can make biryani, big whoop...you're a one-trick pony"!
"You laugh like a little girl"!
"You laugh like a trucker"!
"How in the world does a trucker laugh?", a hearty guffaw escaping me.
"Like that!". he tried to imitate me, letting out a wheezy giggle.
"You have cavemen feet"
"Your eyes don't open"
"You're messy", I said pointing to a heap of clothes.
"You're clumsy", he pointed at the toothpaste stains on my sweatshirt!
We both stopped to take a breath. "Call it even then"?, he said. "Fair enough", I agreed.
We were eating breakfast two days later and Sid cleared the plates after. "I loved that bubz, you're the best cook in the world", he exaggerated, giving me a bear hug, something he comes over to do every morning, regardless of how much of a hurry we're in. He sniffed my hair and said, "You smell nice...bada hot hai tu"! I laughed (trucker style) and walked out the door. We may argue over who's the reacher or settler, but if a person makes you feel like you're the "settler" most of the time (whether you actually are or not!), I think you've got it pretty good!