29-ish - featuring Reem, Sid and friends!


"Bubz, why in the world were you born in 1980? What  am I supposed to wear for your party?", asked a very stressed out looking Sid.  I looked up from the computer where I had been sending out an 80s fashion web link to my guests, to see a flustered apparition, hair on end from running his hands through it.  "Why is everyone getting so stressed out, it's meant to be fun, even if you just wear one thing, it doesn't have to be a whole outfit you know"!  Instead of making him look relieved, my words seemed to agitate him more, "Please help me, you're all sorted out", he pleaded.  His helplessness was endearing, after all he was doing this for me! "Alright, I'll dress you up. This will be brilliant. What do you think of George Michael circa 1984?", I asked with a maniacal gleam in my eye.  Sid looked at me guardedly, his hopelessness suddenly changing to fear as he asked, "George Micheal circa when"?  I jumped off the sofa enthusiastically and grabbed the laptop, "I'll show you".  As I googled "Wake me up before you go go" he bit his nails nervously.  "Maybe I'll just wear jeans, they wore jeans in the 80s".  I shot him a withering look, meant to effectively silence the beholder of said look.  Satisfied that it had worked I proceeded to play the video that showed up on You Tube.  Sid watched in horror as a hip shaking, finger clicking, tight shorts wearing GM strutted around the stage waving his head about.  "It's a brilliant outfit, you'll be a riot"!  "I don't know bubz, they're awfully short you know".  I laid a hand on his shoulder, "That's the point, it'll be great fun.  Let's go check out your cupboard".

Scene 1 - Just before the party as the first guests arrive

A nervous Sid emerges from the bedroom, clutching his legs and stooping a bit.  Reem is standing by the dining table struggling with a gigantic tiffin carrier that has just been deposited by the caterer.  Her yellow vest, short skirt with black tights and orange earrings are reminiscent of the 80s, but the look ends just below her ankles where her feet are wedged into grey Bata chappals. She looks up at Sid.

Reem: What's wrong? Are you ill?
Sid: No, Why?
Reem: Then why are you walking like that? Straighten up, let's have a look

Sid pulls up slowly to reveal a tight red T-shirt tucked into cut-off denim shorts.

Sid: "They're so short bubz!
Reem: "They're perfect, don't worry. Please help me with this tiffin carrier"
Sid: Sure! (bends down to unclasp the containers, while Reem sneaks up behind, quickly rolling his shorts higher).  What are you doing? Stop it!"
Reem: No no, leave them like this.  George Micheal would be so proud! Put on your shoes and socks and you're set. But oh wait! (She rushes into the bedroom and emerges index finger extended. Grabbing his ear she fixes a shiny something on to it). Now you're done, I knew these bindis would come in useful, looks like a tiny ear stud!

The doorbell rings and Reem rushes off to open the door. Shrieks of delight and much scuffling indicates to Sid that the birthday girl's best friend has arrived.  He isn't wrong as Shagun walks in laden with bags filled with party props and her lovely husband, Saurabh, in tow.  Clad in spiffy suspenders and a tie, he's come dressed his part and Reem is pleased. As she hurries Shagun to put on her leg warmers and throws some earrings to her, the party props are revealed. A hat shaped like a birthday cake with candles and the number 30; a flashing number plate which says 'T BIG 30 - warning: mid life crisis ahead'; a 30th birthday party banner, a two-way badge screaming '30' and '100% flirty' and a mug with literally Reem's mug shot on it proclaiming her the best 30 year old in the world! Delighted with the gifts Reem promptly puts on everything and they all pose for a few pictures and settle down with martinis to wait for the rest of the guests.

An hour later the scene is fairly the same. A drink has been split on the couch by a repentant Saurabh who settles back down with a refreshed glass.  Shagun and Reem whine that no one has come, looking apologetically at Anand and chequer-shorted Amit, who have come, but further elaborate that it's only been family and neighbours so far.  Things change suddenly as the bell starts ringing.  Ruth walks in laden with a gift, not dressed to the theme, but all ready to party; Jaipreet shod in shorts in a show of solidarity with Sid, and Richa in a lovely breezy top and tights, come in next thrusting an 80s music CD into Reem's hands.  After them the room continues to fill. Ani and Namita walk in with the birthday cake, dressed to the hilt in purple leggings, heels, chequered shorts, a tie and shirt (in no particular order and not all on the same person!). Shamsher and Neha follow in a perky knotted top and tights though Shamsher has opted for a classic kurta pyjama - timeless so Reem can't fault him for not adhering to the theme.  Her work colleagues and spouses make a fashionably late entry, Ritu and Manish spiffily dressed with satin, belts and stilletoes making an appearance through the doorway.  Param and Chanda are forgiven once their gift is thrust in Reem's hands and her sequinned shoes, leg warmers and ridiculous hat are exclaimed over. Rachna "Shiny Pants" Dhir and Baldev "I am the 80s fashion website link" Dhir bound in next, with Katoch and Priya in hot pursuit.  Sudeep and a radiant Pooja come in as well and mingle immediately while Kala makes a brief stop over to wish Reem. Bhaskar flows in with a golf hat and a bottle of tequila, guffawing at the sight of Sid!  Food, drink and music flows.

Scene 2 - The Dream Sequence

Bizarre behaviour is kicked off and continued by Reem in a photo session, where poor Sid is subjected to much hugging and squeezing.  The lights are dimmed and shoes are kicked off as the dancing begins. Songs are changed at a rapid pace as the birthday girl dismisses each selection and DJ Shamsher is sweating with the pressure! Sid is pulled in while Reem twirls him violently around while the constant dancers, Namita, Neha and Shagun shake their booty around the place.  Cries of "Sexy Chick by Akon" are ignored for a while, until the cries become truly strident and the DJs can no longer stand it.  Frantic booty shaking takes place in time to Akon's nasal tones while Amit Beri alternates between taking pictures and offering the food around as the hostess is least interested.  Ritushri and Manish jump into the fray as Param tries to improve the deteriorating quality of the music, mostly influenced by the birthday girl's confused cries!  Amid sudden recognition of the song he plays "Don't stop till you get Enough" the dance floor erupts and Param also hot steps into the circle showing us some fancy moves while Chanda joins in.

The birthday cake makes an appearance with Reem looking thoroughly pleased and the audience is subjected to an embarrassing public display of affection with Sid hoping that this to-be-30 year old would just turn 30 quickly and end the party!  Things get more bizarre as the dancing continues.  Sudeep tries to get the booty shaking Reem's attention about the excellent home made pesto, which she says is "Damn easy to make and I will give you the recipe"! With this promise of adding to Sudeep's culinary skills she returns to subjecting poor Shamsher to being her pole and she alternates between him and poor Sid who is tugged and pulled and whirled about.  Things get increasingly blurry as she alternates between screaming for Shagun Tyagiiii who has to rush out of the bathroom to get back to the dance floor, to screaming for Namita Minochaaa Katre, who sportingly gets jiggy with it! Bhaskar is yelled at several times as he turns on the lights, but once everyone understands why he's doing it they all pose happily for the pictures.  The girls get increasingly rowdy with Reem leading the pack and from somewhere a solitary lemon makes an appearance, cruelly cut into 8 slivers by Ani and all the ladies and Sid are shoved behind the bar for tequila shots.

By now Reem has no recollection of the evening but has pieced together information from pictures and eye-witness accounts.  There seems to have been much revelry behind the bar with all the girls poised to drink while Reem pours her shot out on the ground, refusing the drink and splattering Ritu's stilletoes. She's not let off that easy as Namita and Ani get her to join them for another shot which she willingly does, this time abstaining from pouring it on anyone's shoes!  After prancing around some more, she has a vague recollection of whirling Sid around, some sort of vile shot being thrust into her hands and waking up the next morning in bed still fully dressed but sans party props, leg warmers, earrings and sequinned stilletoes. She can vaguely see Sid opening her presents and trying on a wrap that looks quite good on him actually...this must definitely be a dream!  If this party signifies the way her 30s are going to go, looks like she's in trouble - though it'll be a helluva ride along the way!


PB said…
I must tell you about something that happened at your party that you have no idea about.

A certain worthy who shall remain unnamed walked up to me, totally smashed, and asked in a slurred monotone, "Do lemons squeak?". "Eh?", I slurred back. "I shaid, do lemons shqueak?". "Nooo!", I said with great conviction.

"In that case", said worthy said, "I've just squeezed Reem's canary into my vodka". heh heh.

Popular Posts