Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sid celebrates Women's Day

"What is this Women's- Shumens Day?" asked an indignant Siddharth, "Everywhere I go women seem to be taking over"!  I looked up at him, "What are you talking about, you raving lunatic?", I asked while giving him the gimlet eye. "Don't cheek me woman, you know what I'm talking about, don't try staring me down!".  After a few seconds his gaze lowered dutifully, but that didn't stop his verbal gush from continuing.  "I mean I get that it is symbolic and celebrating efforts for continual empowerment and upliftment of women, but I always feel outnumbered and overpowered by all these women nowadays"!  Astonished at his slightly woe-begone look, I playfully asked, "Who said what to you? Should I sort her out?".  "Oh please, what will anyone say to me?", said a puffed-out-chest Sid.  "It's like everywhere I go...I'm on the road and almost get run off it by a maniac woman driver, when I tried to stare her down, she gave me the finger.  But ooo it's so cliche to say women drive badly, I can't say anything anymore!".  "Well, it's true that some women are bad drivers, but there are enough male drivers as well who are absolutely atrocious and give you the finger.  There are just bad drivers...period"! 

"Ok fine, so forget that, look at home, I am busy fighting with Zoya and you for my 33 percent quota.  You guys have got me wrapped around your finger/paw.  He turned fiercely towards Zoya, who had looked up at the mention of her name, and wiggled her bottom sleepily.  "Look at her, dragging me around at 4 in the morning - sometimes I wonder who is on the bloody leash!", growled Sid, still looking at her.  She extended her head towards him to be scratched, which he dutifully did without thinking.  "Seee", he yelped, when he realized what he was doing, "She jumps I jump, she wants to be scratched, I scratch, she wants to go out, I take her.  If I try to be firm with her she stares me down or cries. Talk about power, she's got too much of it!"  I looked at him scratching Zoya fiercely behind the ears (which she was absolutely loving!), "For god sake, Zoya is a dog.  And we just have her for two weeks.  Once she goes back your quota is back to 50 percent...almost", I said guardedly, not wanting to relinquish too much in my enthusiasm to get him to abandon the topic and let me get back to the television.

"And you...I treat you like a queen" he continued.  "And I appreciate it", I said distractedly, trying to concentrate on American Idol.  "But seriously, I go and watch those godawful Harry Potter or Percy Jackson movies with you.  I do the laundry.  I entertain your girl friends when they come to stay over..." he said, while counting these "chores" off on his finger tips.  I interrupted him before he could get to Number 4.  "Entertain my girl friends!  You make Karen cook for you whenever she comes over.  You entertain them because you always want to be with us and be part of the general ruckus. Don't lie, you were willing to wear a pink ganji just so that we would take you along on Shagun's hen weekend. And fine I'll do the laundry and you make brekkie every morning.  I like my eggs well done, and please soak the poha overnight so that it's just right"! A bit alarmed at the thought of rushing around in the morning and deciding what to make since the other partner can never contribute by saying what they want, he quickly said "No no, I have no problem with the laundry, it's just a flick of the button really.  I like your breakfasts bubz".  Looking away, I continued with the show on television, "Anyhow, Karen likes to cook so I let her.  I'm empowering her by letting her do what she likes to do".  Rolling my eyes, I continued with the show on television, but not before hurtling my parting shot at him, "And don't get me started about the movies and television shows I have to watch because of you. From 'Partner' to that Tanushree Dutta movie that we can't even remember the name of to CID Classics and Emotional Atyachaar".  A dazed smile spread across his face, "Ah, good times.  Hmm, ok so let's just call itt even then".  "Ok", a secret sigh of relief escaped my lips, which Mr. Quick-as-a-cat caught immediately. 

"Well actually this isn't over.  There's too much girly stuff going on in this house...too much I say.  I don't have enough cupboard space, there's way too much pink and purple in our decor, we have fondue pots and table runners and satin sheets...oh god look at my vocabulary.  I actually know words like "decor". It's disgraceful!".  "Enough", I yelled.  "You chose most of those things and the only reason you know the word "decor" is because you were watching Nigella Lawson cooking the other day on TV and heard her say it.  I heard you repeat it to yourself twenty times because you liked the sound of the word.  You watch all these girly TV shows with or without me, and don't lie because I wasn't here last weekend and the recordings of Desperate Housewives had already been viewed before I got a chance to see them.  You do your guy stuff, but you also like hanging with me and doing other stuff. Why in the world won't you admit that, you twit.  It's perfectly normal you know.  We're even - 50-50.  Imagine not being exposed to half the stuff my girl friends or your girl friends expose you to.  What a sad life! Now enjoy it and shut up".  He looked around nervously, "I do like you, you know, you scare me sometimes, but I quite like you"! "Good, then can we please watch TV. Despo Housewives is coming up".  His face lit up at the sound of one of his favourite TV shows and on that note we both settled in comfortably on to the couch.  But not before he tried spreading himself across my half of the couch, got shoved away and settled into his 50 percent of the seating area.

4 comments:

Karen said...

Set him right...hehe!!

sidhkhan said...

You shut up and cook Karen

Anand said...

I always knew mom wanted her second one to be a girl - and BOY did her wish come true

Manish Bhatt said...

Ha ha. Poor Sid, being turned into comic relief blog by blog, or is it comic protagonist?