Sid defends my honour

"Bubzzzzzz, I'm loving you too much", said Sid exuberantly. It's always great to hear how much you're loved or appreciated and however much women (or men) may say it doesn't really matter, but a physical show or display of affection always feels good. You can't negate that twinge of pleasure when your partner gets a bit possessive (not the manic psychotic type) and wants to show it. I am one of those women who would enjoy that feeling I'm sure, but on the few occassions when the need might have arisen, Sid's efforts unfortunately did not!

Take the time, a guy at my dance class - a complete misfit since he never learned anything in class, usually gripped with terrified timidity, two left feet and a tongue that got completely tied if even looked at, shockingly showed a sudden bout of misplaced courage and stole my phone number from the dance company's records. All of a sudden I started getting calls from a silent mobile stalker - nervous deep breathing and monosyllabic "Hello" or "Reem" or "Hmm" marking the entire few seconds I would stay on the line, before I hung up in disgust. He got bolder after a while and finally disclosed who he was. Quite shocked that it was the tongue-tied twit from class, I became increasingly angry when I found out how he got my number and after bearing with his nonsensical "Please don't hang up, I will tell you why I'm calling" and then his sudden declaration of love, I was finally fed up. My rather cruel dismissal of his feelings as impulsive and childish had no effect on him and finally Sid entered the picture saying "Let me deal with him babes, don't worry"! He came back from the adjoining room after a while, smiling. Settling in beside me on the sofa, he beamed and patted me on the head. Rather irritated with no further update on the situation and no more clarity through the pat on the head, I asked "Soooo? Is it all sorted out now?".
"What is?" asked the stupid mutt.
"The psycho stalker who is trying to steal me away from you"?!
"Oh please, no one is trying to steal you, he's just some guy who's got some filmi notions in his head".
"But, what did you say to him".
"I just told him to stop bothering you and he said ok and apologized."
"That was all it took?" I asked.
"Yeah. Though after apologizing he started saying that he knew I was with you and that I was a great guy and then continued on that vein for some time. He's a nice guy!"
Amazed at how this conversation had turned from its focus of me and psychotic stalker to him and his new found admirer, I thought about how unsatisfied I felt even though he solved the problem quite satisfactorily - the two-left-feet stalker didn't bother me any more.
Other outcomes were more humorous. An incorrect phone call to a young school boy with too much time on his hands, resulted in him calling me up at odd hours and sending me all sorts of awkward messages, referring to me as "Sakshi" in his desperate attempt to sound breezily flirtatious! After telling him I wasn't Sakshi and to stop calling me, my gallant knight came galloping, or rather tootling across, to the rescue. After trying to call the school boy, who didn't pick up, from his own phone, he got a text message asking who it was. Siddharth's cheeky sms back, "It's Sakshi, call me". The saucy invitation worked enough to get said school boy's hormones racing and a quick reply came, "In tuition, will get out and call you". Two seconds later, he honoured his promise. "Watch this, my love", said the studly Siddharth. I dutifully watched:
"Hello...What? No, this isn't Sakshi...Hello?" Click. A confused Siddharth looked at his phone.
"Can you believe it? That twit thought I was Sakshi!".
"Well, you did sound a bit shrill", I suggested timidly.
"Shrill, my ass"!
The phone rang again:
"Siddharth: "Hello"
Young boy: "Hi Sakshi, sorry I dialed a wrong number, somebody else picked up"
A chuffed Siddharth: "You idiot, do I sound like Sakshi to you. You didn't call a wrong number you called me". The insult of being mistaken for this androgynous sounding Sakshi, invested a gruffness into him as he bellowed, "If you ever bother my wife again I'll come to your house and deal with you", hanging up with a quick click. "Can you believe the idiot, thinking I'm Sakshi". Concealing the laughter that was welling up inside me, I nodded sympathetically adding what I thought sounded comforting, "Stupid boy, probably never met a woman in his life, can't tell the difference"! It didn't really work, but made him walk out rather huffily leaving me to chuckle silently.

The trend continued when he was trying to be especially chivalrous or romantic. A holiday at a charming hotel, where he let me snooze a little longer by quickly picking up the ringing phone so that it wouldn't disturb me, resulted with me being wide awake by him yelling, "Uff can you believe it? I just woke up so my voice was a bit funny and that stupid room service guy asked, "Madam, would you like some tea sent to the room!" I immediately cleared my throat and gave him a deep, "Doh cup chai please"! "Do I sound like a girl bubz?" asked my miffed man.
On another holiday, as we enjoyed a glass of wine together, he looked deep into my eyes and leaned in towards me. His romantic, read sleepy gaze, changed suddenly as he leaned closer, his eyes widening in shock, as he started to flail comically. My initial instinct was to slap him hard as he tried to hold on to me, not really understanding what he was doing, and the next minute his chair had tipped over with him in it, but not before he spat his wine out at me before taking the fall! On another occassion, he ended up pulling on a clean sweat shirt in a great hurry, only later realizing in public, after it was pointed out, that my shocking pink underwear was entangled in it and had been trailing from his waist band the whole morning. "What to do bubz, I was in a hurry. I couldn't have even said it was my underwear, it was pink!" said a silly looking Siddharth to a shell shocked me!

Oh well, I'll probably never really have the dashing knight rushing to my rescue or the utterly romantic hero, but then again Sid and I probably wouldn't spend so many of our waking moments laughing hysterically - he never made defending a woman's honour or being romantic so un-sexy, but he sure has a signature style!


Manish Bhatt said…
Ha ha, that was hilarious.

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